Viktor Wynd

The Beauty Map of The British Isles

Project in Development by Viktor Wynd & David Piper.

Under the auspices of the Department for Reconstructive Archaeology of The London Institute of 'Pataphysics, David Piper & Viktor Wynd propose to produce an updated version of the Victorian Polymath Francis Galston's celebrated, though sadly lost, Beauty Map of The British Isles. They will tour the country in a special vehicle and will both be equipped with an exceptionally sensitive instrument with which to measure the beauty of the girls in each locality.

The Girlspotter's Guide to The Pretty Girls of Europe

Under the Auspices
Of
The Department For Reconstructive Archaeology
Of
The London Institute of 'Pataphysics
&
In Honour of
Francis Galston
Topographer of "The Beauty Map of Pretty Girls of Great Britain"
David Piper & Viktor Wynd
Propose
The Girlspotter's Guide To Europe

Blurb

David to write a paragraph or two for the back page.

Contents

The book will have two main parts, the second half will be a city by city guide in a slightly traditional sense - intended to be of use to the occasional or weekend traveller, it will not dwell on the obvious - preferring, in London for example to highlight the John Soane over the British Museum, the Chelsea Public Library over the British Library, Colombia Road over Portobello Road, as such it will, in part, be a genuinely useful book for the occasional traveller. The first half of the book will on the other hand deal in depth with the phenomena of The Pretty Girl.

The City Guide

The authors have identified the main cities in Europe that have attracted , and produced the most pretty girls - London, Paris, Stockholm, Berlin, Vienna, Rome, Madrid, Lisbon, Budapest, Split & St.Petersburg. This book will provide a detailed guide as to the best places in each city to spot pretty girls - from cafes to shops, museums to parks, nightclubs to cemeteries, libraries to buses, taking in everything in between including laundrettes & swimming pools.

How To Catch & Snare

Advice on techniques, strategies and the most romantic restaurants, parks with the longest grass and jewellery shops to buy the biggest rings.

Categories of Girls

Pretty Girls are best divided into Ten Different Types:

  1. Girlfriend Material
    This is a bit of a mystery - see section 10 perhaps?
  2. Models
    They're always beautiful.
  3. Girls in The Arts
    Art world, fashion world, drama, literature, journalists (not normally pretty)
  4. Girls with Money
  5. Professional Girls
  6. Girls with a Conscience
    They only need to shave.
  7. Older Women
  8. Fresh of The Boat
    Tourists/new arrivals.
  9. Students
  10. Sluts

The Migratory Patterns of Pretty Girls

Their courtship and the mating season - from Stanstead Airport to Ibiza, taking in Benidorm & St.Tropez

There will be two editions of the book
The Male Edition - see Above
&
The Female Edition
The ManSpotters Guide To The Handsome Men of Europe
As everyone knows wherever there are pretty girls there are men. The Female edition will be almost exactly the same as above, but with the gender of the prey changed.

The Book

The book will be small, hardback and pocket sized, (under 200 pages) owing a certain debt to the observers pocket book of birds. It will be bound in hard cloth with the title embossed in gold, and be illustrated with specially commissioned black and white line drawings by…. The graphic design will be done by Nathan Miller of Wearenormal, past commissions include….

Future Titles To Include The Girlspotters Guide to

  1. Iran
  2. Guantanomo Bay
  3. The Americas
  4. South East Asia
  5. Australasia
  6. Mars
  7. Cooking
  8. Dressing
  9. The Worlds Best Beaches
  10. The Worlds Best Shops

Publicity

Mssrs Piper & Wynd have any number of past projects under their belts including "Pipers International Cadogram Agency," to "Rakehells Revels," taking in "Loss; an Evening of Exquisite Misery" & "The Last Tuesday Society" that have been greeted with a storm of worldwide media coverage in everything from Vogue to The Financial Times, taking in Loose Women, The breakfast Show, News of The World etc etc. As such they are confident that their new endeavour will make a similar splash.

The Website

An all singing all dancing website will accompany the book.